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Relation Emotive Behavior Therapy

Relation Emotive Behavior Therapy: Here you will read about Relation Emotive Behavior Therapy in Roman Urdu.  Anger is a very bad thing in our daily life. We should control our anger in our life. REBT stands for Relation Emotive Behavior Therapy. 

Table of Content
  • Relation Emotive Behavior Therapy In Urdu
  • Gussay Ko Qaabo Panay Ka Tareeqa In Urdu
  • Relation Emotive Behavior Therapy In Urdu

    Relation Emotive Behavior Therapy In Urdu

    REBT yaa’ni maa’qool jazbaati tarz-e-aal kay bunyaadi umoor say agaahi aur unka istemaal apko apnay ghussay kay maslay say nimatnay ka aik itmenaan bakhsh balkay meray nazdeek aik shandaar lah-e-amal muhaiy’ya karta hai. Yeh koi jaadui tarz-e-amal ya choo mantar qism ki cheez nahi balkay zehni tarbiyat hai jiskay zariye ap apnay tamaam muta’aliqa masaayil say haqeeqat pasandi kay sath nimat’tay hain. REBT theory thous haqaa’ir ko paish-e-nazar rakhnay ko tarjeeh deti hai. Usay mafroozoun say koi sar-o-kaar nahi. Us main hum haqaa’iq ki talaash jaari rakhtay hain yahan tak kay unhain paa letay hain.

    Yaqeenan ap sochaingey kay REBT (Relation Emotive Behavior Therapy) ka aghaaz kesay hua aur konsi baat isay dusray nafsiyaati tareeqoun aur ilaaj say mumtaz banati hai.

    REBT meri (Elbert Ellis) ikhtra’a hai. Main ne uskay buhat say aham usool philosophy ki danish aur jadeed dour kay taraq’qi yaafta ilm nafsiyaat kay feham say akhaz kiye hain. Apni no’jawaani kay dour main, main ne falsafa ka mutal’la aik gehray shagaf kay sath kiya aur phir uskay bunyaadi usooloun ko apnay tareeq-e-ilaaj main shamil kiya. Iska nateeja yeh nikla kay meray mareez zabardast kamyaabi say ham’kinaar huay aur unhain matlooba nataa’ij haasil karnay main deegar mar’waja tareeqoun khusoo’san- riwayati tehleel-e-nafsi jis par main ne barsoun kaam kiya kay buhat kam eaqt sarf karna parta hai. Main ne mehsoos kiya kay jab main apnay mareezoun kay samnay unkay jazbaati masaa’il ka nafsiyaati aur falsafi’yana taj’ziya rakhta hun to woh ilaaj kay deegar tareeqoun kay muqablay main jihain gher falsafi’yana andaaz main paish kiya jata hai ‘ziyada jald’ musbat aur mustaqil tor par sehat mand hojatay hain. Uskay tareeqa-e-kaar ka aghaaz main ne 1953 main kiya tha. Uski asar angaizi dekh kar 1955 main, main ne REBT ko aik baqaa’ida shakal dedi aur tab say lekar ab tak hazaaroun muaali’jeen koi iski tarbiyat de chuka hun.

    Meri qayaadat main 1960 aur 1970 kay ashroun main Aaron Back, David Burns, William glibber, Maxi Malts Junior, Donald Makin Balm aur deegar ghair mamooli muaali’jeen ne CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) say kaam lena shuru kardia jo buhat say umoor main REBT say musha’bihat rakhta hai.

    CBT ya Danish mandana rawaiy’ya tashkeel denay wala ilaaj us ilaaj ki aik amoomi shakal hai jo REBT kay baad waze’h kiya gaya aur REBT ki muta’adid mashqoun aur naz’riyaat ko istemaal main lata hai, lekin yeh logoun ki qat’ayi MUSTS aur SHOULDS (zaroori tor par aur beh’r soorat) par itna zor nahi deta jitna REBT main diya jata hai aur jazbaat pe ka tawajja denay kay sath sath jazbaati marahil say nahi guzra jis tarah REBT hai. Yeh kitaab apko batayegi ke kaisay bil’khusoos REBT ka istemaal hona chahiye aur kaisay CBT ko aazmaya jaye taka yap apnay ghussay aur deegar jazbaati masayil say ohda bara hosakain.

    Gussay Ko Qaabo Panay Ka Tareeqa In Urdu

    Kiun kay hum (is kitaab kay musnafeen) khud fa’aal muaa’lij hain, isliye hum qudrati tor par apko mashwara dengay kay, agar ap kisi sangeen jazbaati maslay say do’chaar hain to apkay liye mumkin hai to REBT ya CBT kay kisi maahir say rujo’o karain. Lekin agar aisa mumkin na ho to itmenaan rakhiye ap REBT ka istemaal kar kay khud apna mukam’mal ilaaj karsaktay hain. Is kitaab main hum apko batayengay kaya p kis tarah khud wasee tor par apna ghussa falsafi’yana (ta’y shuda soch ki) ki bunyaad par takhleeq kartay hain. Apki soch main aik qati’at aur tehak’maana andaz-e-fik’r paya jata hai. Chuna’chay jab apko apnay khayalaat ki maa’qooliyat aur ghair maa’qooliyat ka andaza hojata hai to ap apni soch main rad’do badal karnay kay qaabil hojatay hain. Yehi tabdeeli apkay tabah’kun ghussay ko tehleel karnay ki quw’wat ap main paida kardeti hai.

    REBT main khud nazmi aur khud tarbiyati kay tareeqay shamil hain jo apko apnay ghussay aur tay’sh par ghair maamoli halaat main qaabu panay main madad detay hain. Jee han us waqt bhi jab apkay sath Saree’h na-insaafi horahi ho ya apko waaze’h tor par dhoka diya jaraha ho.

    Apko yeh baat dikhanay kay liye kis tarah sehat mandana tareeqay say apkay ghussay, tay’sh aur inteqaam kay jazbaat par qaabu paya jasakta hai. Aiyay aik aur misaal samnay rakhtay hain. Far’z kijiye kay jack aur june ap say wada kartay hain kay woh apkay sath kiraaye main shirakat ki bunyaad par aik aisay apartment main rehnay kay liye tayyar hain jis main furniture aur deegar zaruri samaan ap faraham karengay. Apko yeh mua’hida munasib mehsoos hota hai chuna’chay a paisa karnay par tayyar hojatay hain. Is mua’hiday main mojoud apni zimadari puri karnay kay liye apko ahi khaasi mehnat aur tang-o-dou karni parti hai. Ap apna waqt aur paisa sarf kartay hain takay mua’hiday par pura utar sakain lekin aakhri lamhoun main jack aur june apko mut’laa (inform) kartay hain kay unhon ne apni rehaayish ka koi aur intezaam karlia hai chuna’chay woh apkay sath kiye gaye waday ki takmeel nahi kar sakaingey. Yeh sunkar apko un par sakh’t ghussa ata hai. Is liye kay mazkura mua’hiday ki takmeel kay liye na sirf apnay kiraye ka aik naya apartment dhunda. Us main apni jaib say ikhra’jaat adaa karkay furniture aur deegar samaan muhaiy’ya kiya balkay ab apko akhri lamhoun main kisi aur fard ko talaash karna parega jo apkay sath apartment main kiraye main shirakat ki bunyaad par sath reh sakay.

    Apka ghussa puri tarah jaa’iz hai lekin yeh beh’r tor aik nuqsaan’deh kaifyat hai. Ap is par mou’assar tareeqay say kis tarah qaabu payengay? Mumkin hai pehlay to ap isay apnay ap tak mehdood rakhain ge. Lekin kiun kay yeh masla mojoud rahay ga chuna’chay ghussay kay dabay huay jazbaat jack aur june kay sath apki dosti par buri tarah asar andaaz hongay. Lekin abhi koi hal nahi nikla aur ap apnay ghussay kay jazbaat mojoud hain chuna’chay apki dusri sar’garmiyaan mutasir honay lagaingi. Yun apka ghussay ko khud tak mehdood rakhna mo’assar tareeqa saabit nahi hota.

    Is soorat main mumkina tor par ap faisla kartay hain kay jack aur june kay pas jayen aur apnay jazbaat ka izhaar unkay samnay karain. Yaani ap apnay ghussay ka barm’la izhaar karnay ka faisla kartay hain. Ap unkay pas jatay hain aur kehtay hain: “Dekho bhai, tum logoun ne meray sath jo sulook kiya hai main usay bardaasht nahi karsakta. Tumnay meray sath kiraaye main his’sa daar bannay ki shart par apartment main mujhay furniture waghera muhaiy’ya karnay ka paband kiya tha. Main ne apni zimadari puri kardi. Main ne apna waqt aur paisa kharch kiya. Agar tum log meray sath yeh mua’hida na kartay to main kabhi bhi yeh sab kuch na karta. Tumnay meray sath saree’han ziyad’ti ki hai aur mujhay nuqsaan puhanchaya hai. Ap apnay dost kay sath kis tarah aisi harkat karsaktay hain?  Main ne to kabhi tum logoun kay sath koi buraayi nahi ki. Lekin tumnay buhat bura sulook kiya hai. Akhir aisay khofnaak tarz-e-amal kay baad tum kisi say dosti ki tawaq’qua kesay rakh saktay ho?”

    Barhami kay is khul’lay izhaar kay sath ap bila shuba jaa’iz tor par june aur jack ko bawa’r karatay hain kay unhon ne kis qadar ghalat harkat ki hai. Lekin is tarah ap unkay rawaiy’ye aur un dono ki muzam’mat karahay hain. Aisa karkay ap unhain difaa (defense) par majboor kar rahay hain. Ap unhain apnay amal kay ghalat honay ki tardeed aur barhami kay sath jawab denay par uksaa rahay hain.

    Ap khud ko jaa’iz tor par muta’sira farq samajh rahay hain lekin yeh mat bhooliye kay buhat say dusray insanon ki tarah jack aur june bhi ilzaam tarashi ka rujhaan rakhtay hongay. Chuna’chay jab ap unki ghalti ki nishaan dahi kartay hain to woh issay ziada bura mehsoos kartay hain jis qadar ap unhain ehsaas dilana chahtay hain. Ap kay sarz’nish aur fehmaayish karnay par chahay apnay yeh baat kitnay achay andaaz main ki ho, woh ehsaas-e-jurm main mubtala hojatay hain aur phir fitri andaaz main chahtay hain kay apnay amal ka difaa aisay andaaz main karain kay khud ap bhi ehsaas-e-jurm main mubtala hojayen, yun puri diyanat’dari say kiya gaya ghussay ka izhaar ap aur un don okay liye nuqsaan deh saabit hosakta hai.

    Aik hal aur bhi hai--- maseehi af’fu-o-darguzar---- dusra gaal paish karna---- lekin hamari istehsaali aur khud gharz dunya main yeh mazhabi amal qat’an qabil-e-amal nahi. Log ap say khof zada hona chor daingay aur iska nateeja yeh niklay ga kaya p ki naik khoi ka na’jaaiz faida uthatay huay musalsal apko nuqsaan puhanchatay chalay jayengay. Ap to yaqeen’an husn-e-sulook ka muzahira karengey lekin log is bat ka ehtraam kabhi nahi karengey. Apko reham’dili ka jawab shayad hi shaa’istigi say milay.

    Ghussa anay par ikhtiyaar kiye gaye mazkorah mutabadil tareeqoun ka jayeza letay huay ap dekh saktay hain kay un main say har aik tareeqa baaz auqaat qabil-e-amal aur o-asar hota hai lekin har aik kay apnay nuqsanaat hain. Chuna’chay aiyay kisi aisay hal ki talaash karain jo apko mushkil soorat-e-haal say nimatnay ki ijaazat de aur ap woh kuch haasil karsaken jo chahtay hain lekin aisa kartay huay na to apko bad-diyanati karna paray, na hi jawabi dushmani ki hosla afzaayi ho, aur na hi dusray apnay difaa par utar kar apko mazeed bad’sulooki ka nishana banayen.

    Agar’chay log puray wasooq kay sath kehtay hain kay ubaltay huay ghussay kay sath nimatnay ka koi durust tareen tareeqa mojoud nahi hai lekin hum apko kuch aisay qawaa’id paish kartay hain jo REBT aur CBT main guzashta chaa ash’roun say puri kamyaabi kay sath istemaal horahay hain aur logon ko apnay ghussay say nimatnay main madad de rahay hain. Agar ap sanjeedgi kay sath REBT aur CBT kay tehat apnaaye janay wali andaaz-e-fik’r aur mash’qoun ka jayeza lain aur ap un par kuch arsa tak amal’darmad karain to hum apko yaqeen dilatay hain kay ap apnay ghussay say nimatnay ka hunar achi tarah seekh lengay aur is hi tarah kamyaab rahaingay jis tarah hamaray hazaaroun mareez kamyaab hochukay hain.

    Yeh dekhnay kay liye REBT kay qawaa’id istemaal karkay kis tarah ghussa aur barhami say nimta jasakta hai, aiyay pehlay REBT ki ABC ka jayeza lain.

    A say muraad Activating Experience ya Adversity yaani ghussa paida karnay wala ya ghair rasaa’n waaqiya hai.

    B say muraad Belief System yaani hamara nizam-e-fik’r ya mukhtasira’n hamari soch.

    C say muraad Emotional Consequences yaani jazbaati nateeja ya rad’de amal hai.

    Hum C ki nishaan dahi kay sath agaahi kartay hain. Iska matlab jazbaati nateeja yaani apka ghussa hai. Iskay baad hum A ki taraf atay hain. June aur Jack ne zar’r rasaa’n waaqiye ko janam diya. Woh apkay sath kiye gaye aik eham mua’hiday par puray utarnay main nakaam rahay.

    Jab hum A aur C ka jayeza letay hain to saaf tor par samnay ata hai kay A kay nateejay main C ru’numa hua. REBT theory is maamlay ko kuch aur tarah dekhti hai. Uskay mutaabik agar’chay ghussa paida karnay walay waqi’ay ne barah-e-raast jazbaati nateeja, ghussa paida kiya lekin haqeeqat main A, C ka sabab nahi. Agar hum A aur C ko gehri nazar say dekhain to surat-e-haal main kuch aur awamil bhi mula’wis nazar ayengay. Yeh durust hai kay waaday say inheraaf kar kay apkay dostoun ne apkay liye maayusi aur mushkil paida ki chuna’chay ap ghussay main agaye lekin ghussay ka moh’rik dar’asal yeh hai kay jack aur june kay is iqdaam ne apko is cheez say mehroom kardia jo ap haasil karna chahtay thay. Yaani unki waada khilaafi ya inheraaf meha’z apkay ghussay ka iklouta sabab nahi balkay woh mehroomi bhi iska sabab ban rahi hai jo apki tawaq’qua kay khilaaf paida hogayi hai.

    Bil’farz apka ghussa yaani C agar barah-e-raast A ka nateeja hai to phir humain tasaw’wur karna parega kay jab bhi ap aik makhsoos A say do’chaar hongay to humesha inhi jazbaat ka muzahira karaingay jo C pe apnay kiya hai. Lekin haqeeqat yeh hai kay ap aisa nahi kartay. Mas’lan hum jantay hain kay aik makhsoos darja-e-hararat par paani ubalnay lagta hai aur aik dusray darja-e-hararat par munjamid (freeze) hojata hai. Paani aur darja-e-hararat ka irtibaa’t amal har dafa yehi soorat-e-haal paida karta hai, aur yeh aik ghair mut’badil haqeeqat hai, lekin jab log aur soorat-e-haal apas main irtibaa’t amal kartay hain to yeh tab’ayi qanoon haqeeqat nahi rehta. Aksar auqaat hum aik makhsoos soorat-e-haal main kisi fard kay rad’d-e-amal par herat mehsoos kartay hain. Matlab hum juraa’im ka shikaar honay walon kay baray main suntay hain kay woh mujrimoun ko kaifar-e-kirdaar tak puhanchanay kay liye huk’kaam say ta’awwun karnay kay bajaye uskay bar’aks tarz-e-amal ikhtiyaar kartay hain. Is tarah kaya mal say woh mujrimoun ko ta’deebi kar’rawai say bacha letay hain. Mas’lan agar hum aik sou (100) aisay afraad ka jayeza lain jo aik jesay jurm ka nishana banay hain to hum dekhaingay kay unki bari (huge) ta’daad mukhtalif qisam kay rad’de amal ka muzahira karti hai. Kuch log to mujrimoun ko bilkul maaf kardetay hain. Kuch unhain sakht saza dilwanay ki koshish kartay hain jabkay baq’ya in dono intehaaoun kay darmiyaani rasta ikhtiyaar kartay hain. Yun aik jazbaati nateeja ya rad’de amal agar’chay aik mohrik waqiye say mutasir hota hai lekin woh barah-e-raast iska nateeja nahi hota.

    Zahir hai iska matlab yeh hai kay mukhtalif qisam kay waqi’aat par apnay rad’de amal ka intekhaab aur control main hum kisi had tak mukam’mal ikhtiyaar rakhtay hain. Na-insafiyoun par apnay rad’de amal kay baray main hum jis qadar ziada aagah hotay hain, hum isi qadar andaaz main ghussay kay baghair rad’de amal ka muzahira kartay hain. Hum is qaabil hotay hain kay A aur C kay darmiyaan apni soch yaani B ko takhleeq karsaken. Dar’asal A kay baray main hamari B hi ziada tar hamaray rad’de amal ka ta’ayyun karti hai. Hum jis qadar ziada khud ko A kay baray main apni soch say agaah karletay hain. Isi qadar imkaan barh jata hai kay hum aisay rad’de amal ka intekhaab karsakain jo humain apna maqsad haasil karnay main madad de sakay. A’s yaani zar’rasaa’n waaqi’aat kay baray main apni soch ka intekhaab kar kay hum C par apni jar’hana ya aeh’maqana qadam uthanay say ruk jatay hain. Mas’lan kisi na-insafi ya bad sulooki kay baray main aisa sochna kay Mr. X ko meray sath aisa nahi karna chahiye tha. Usnay aik khofnaak amal kiya hai, hum yeh bhi soch saktay hain kay uski na-insaafi ya bad sulooki ka koi aisa sabab bhi hosakta hai kay jis kay liye usay maaf bhi kiya jasakta hai. Bad’qismati say hum soch ka bharpoor jayeza lenay kay aadi hi nahi hotay chuna’chay apnay amal ya rad’de amal par apnay khayalaat (soch) kay asraat ko tabdeel nahi kartay.

    Apnay dusray buhat say logon ki tarah apni aik soch (B) banali hogi. Jiskay tehat ap logon aur waqi’aat kay baray main qat’ayi ta’assur qaayim kartay hain. Agar’chay ap apna aik andaz-e-fikar aur soch rakhtay hain lekin apnay khandaan aur culture kay mutabik kuch aisi soch aur aitiqadaat bhi rakhtay hongay jo dusroun kay hain. Kuch eham umoor main mukhtalif muash’roun ki soch aur andaz-e-fikar aik dusray say buhat mukhtalif hoti hai aur waqt kay sath sath kisi aik muash’ray main tabdeel bhi hojati hai. Aik fard ki haisiyat say ap bay’k waqt mukhtalif qisam ki sochoun aur aitiqadaat kay maalik hosaktay hain. Baaz auqaat ap is tabdeel hoti hui dunya main khud ko khush aur mufeed rakhnay kay liye apni raaye aur soch main bunyadi tabdeeli le atay hain.

    Aap kay zaati khayalaat aur aitiqadaat mukam’mal tor par apkay nahi hotay. Buhat si batain jinhain ap acha ya bura aur durust ya ghalat samajhtay hain. Woh apnay apnay buzurg’oun ya samaaj say qubool ki hoti hain.

    Agar’chay apki soch puri shid’dat say C kay muqaam par apkay rad’de amal ko janam deti hain lekin B dar’asal C ka ta’ayyun karnay wala iklouta aamil nahi hota. A bhi bazaat-e-khud apkay rad’de amal kay ta’ayyun main kirdaar adaa karta hai. Chuna’chay C aksar auqaat A aur baaz auqaat B kay masaawi hota hai. Ap A par to asar andaaz nahi hosaktay kay yeh apkay khaarij main zahoor pazeer hota hai. Lekin B par asar andaaz hosaktay hain jo apkay daakhil main paaya jata hai aur yehi C ko muta’ayeen karta hai.

    Apkay tajurbaat bazaat-e-khud koi makhsoos qadar-o-qeemat nahi rakhtay. Balkay ap khud unhain qadar-o-qeemat detay hain. Yeh apki fitray hai kaya p apnay tajurbaat ko koi qadar-o-qeemat ya darja detay hain. Jis cheez ki ap khuahish kartay hain ya tarjee’h detay hain usay acha kehtay hain aur jis cheez ko ap na-pasand kartay hain usay bura qaraar detay hain. Jab ap aik dafa tajurbaat (waqi’aat) A’s ki tashkhees kartay yaani unki qadar-o-qeemat ta’y karletay to phir unkay baray main B takhleeq karletay hain. Chuna’chay apki B’s hi un mehsoosaat aur rawiy’youn ko muta’een karti hain jo C’s pe runuma hotay hain.

    Jab ap apnay A’s aur C’s kay baray main ba’khabar hojatay hain to phir aasani say B’s ka intekhaab karsaktay hain aur C’s say behtar andaaz main nimat saktay hain. Bil’khusoos aisa C jo tabah’kun ghussay aur khud intehaami ka sabab banta hai. Chuna’chay apnay ghussay (C) say ibtedaa kartay huay apnay sath honay walay A ki bad’sulooki ya na-insaafi kay baray main sochiye. Ap foran us ghair maaqool soch ki nishaan’dahi karsaktay hain jo C ka ta’ayyun karti hai aur phir us soch ki mouzuniyat ya afaadiyat ka jayeza lekar isay parakh saktay hain. Yeh kaam ap kaisay karengey iski wazahat hum aglay baab main karengay.

    C kay nataa’ij kay sath ibtedaa kartay huay ap seekhtay hain kay apkay ghussay kay jazbaat  ya koi say khud qareebi kay jazbaat A pe aik manfi tajurba tashkeel detay hain. Apko yeh bhi ilm hojata hai kay apki soch puri taqat say C par apkay mehsosaat ko mutasir karti hai. Us marhalay par REBT apko theek tarah yeh daryaaft karnay main madad deta hai kay konsi sochain apkay ghussay kay ghair sehat mandana manfi jazbaat ubhaarnay ka zari’aa banti hain. Aur phir yeh dikhata hai kay kis tarah ap apni ghair maaqool sochoun ko parakh kar unhain tabdeel karsaktay hain. Yeh tareeqa-e-ilaaj apko batata hai kay kis tarah apni madad aap karna ya maqool soch apnana (RBs) aksar auqaat apko tay’sh (C) main anay kay bajaye sehat mandana andaaz main mutaasif aur meh’z mayoos banata hai. Kis tarah khud farebi ya ghair maqool soch (1B) apko A’s kay baray main ghussa (A) main lati hai. Aur kis tarah ap apni ghair maqool sochoun (1B’s) ko parkh (D) kar apnay jazbaat ko phir say sehat mandana aur ghussay say azaad bana saktay hain. 1B, RB aur D ki wazahat apko aglay baab main milay gi.

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