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Different Steps How To Get Out Of Your Own Anger

Different Steps How To Get Out Of Your Own Anger: Here you will read about Different Steps How To Get Out Of Your Own Anger

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  • Different Steps How To Get Out Of Your Own Anger In Roman Urdu
  • Different Steps How To Get Out Of Your Own Anger In Roman Urdu

    Different Steps How To Get Out Of Your Own Anger

    1.    “Agar’chay main is na-munasib sulook ko kabhi pasand nahi karunga lekin main isay bardaasht karsakta hun.”

    2.    “Yeh nihayat buri harkat hai lekin khofnaak ya bhayanak nahi.”

    3.    “Munasib tareen baat to yeh thi ke jack aur june meray sath theek sulook kartay lekin zahir hai unhain aisa karnay ke liye majboor to nahi kiya ja sakta.”

    4.    “Yeh log be-hooda to nahi hain lekin aisay log hain jo ba’az auqaat kisi ke bhi sath bura sulook karsaktay hain.”

    Aiyay ab aik aur ghair maqool soch ko zair-e-behas latay hain.“Jack aur june ne meray sath ghair munsifana sulook kia halaa’n ke unhain hargiz hargiz aisa sulook nahi karna chaiyay tha. Yeh log khofnaak aur qaabil-e-muzam’mat hain aur zindagi bhar kisi achayi ke mustahiq nahi”. Ap is soch ko kis tarah challenge karengay warna sari umar jack aur june say nafrat kartay rahengey.

    sabsay pehlay apko is ehmaqaana khayal say nijaat haasil karna hogi ke jack aur june ko ikhlaaqi lehaaz say apke sath umda’h sulook karna chaiyay tha. Kiun ke unhoun ne samaaj ke usooloun ke khilaaf apkay sath sulook kiya hai is liye apnay jaa’iz tor par nateeja akha’z kiya hai ke unka iqdaam na-jaa’iz, ghalat aur ghair ikhlaaqi hai. Ap yeh bhi keh saktay hain ke --- behtar to yehi tha key eh log durust, behtar aur ikhlaaq ke mutabiq iqdaam kartay lekin zahir hai wo aisa nahi karna chahtay thay chuna’chay nahi kiya. Humnay pichlay baab main bhi wazahat kit hi ke sabsay pehlay apnay lazim aur chahiyay par mushtamil mutalbat ko challenge karain. Kiun kea p jack aur june say bhi mutalba kar rahay hain ke unhain aisa nahi karna chahiyay tha.

    Hona to aisa hi chahiyay tha lekin na honay ke buhat say asbaab hosaktay hain. Us iqdaam ka sabab apkay samnay nahi. Chuna’chay jab ap apnay un dono dostoun say “chahiyay” aur unkay na-munasib sulook say dustak’sh hojatay hain to bari asaani say unko qaabil-e-muzam’mat tehranay ke maslay’ say nimat letay hain. Dar’asal jab bhi ap logon ke iqdamaat par ghussay main atay hain to unkay af’aal aur unki zaat ko aal’mi darja’e ki manfi qaraar de detay hain. Hum pehlay bhi iska zikar kar chukay hain lekin logoun ko qaabil-e-muzam’mat qaraar dena kiun ke jazbaati sehat ke liye buhat eham hai is liye aiyay zara tafseel say baat kartay hain.

    Alferd Cozebski ne 1993 main “Science and Sciencity” main khoobsurti ke sath yeh nazariya paish kiya tha ke --- dunya main na to achay log hotay hain na buray --- kiun ke samjha jata hai kea cha admi sirf aur sirf achay kaam karta hai aur kabhi koi bura kaam nahi karta. Lekin baray baray paarsa logon ne bhi ba’az auqaat buhat buray kaam kiye hain. Is hi tarah yeh kehna ke buray log humesha shetaani harkaat hi kartay hain ghalat hai kiun ke Hitler aur Astolin jaisay badnaam-e-zamana logon ne bhi buhat say achay kaam kiye thay. Kisi fard ko mukam’mal tor par acha ya bura qaraar dena aik gumrah kun aur yaqeeni tor par ghalat soch hai.

    Yahan jack aur june ke maamlay main bhi agar’chay unhoun en apkay sath intehaayi bura sulook kiya hai ap durust tor par unhain “intehaayi buray log” qaraar nahi desaktay. Yaqeenan unki shakhsiyaat ke kuch achay pehlu bhi hongay. Sit’am zareefi yeh hai ke jab ap apni nafrat ki waja say unkay na-munasib sulook par unhain qaabil-e-muzam’mat qaraar de detay hain to ap khud bhi unkay sath na-munasib sulook kar rahay hain. Wo keeray makoray, shetaan ya jaanwar nahi hain. Wo kam darja’e ke insaan bhi nahi hain. Haqeeqat yeh hai ke wo insaan hain aur unsay ghalti hosakti hai. Hosakta hai wo majboor hogaye hon. Jaisa ke ba’az auqaat sab hi majboor hojatay hain aur yaqeenan ap bhi hojatay hongay. Kia aisa nahi hota…?

    Eham baat yehi hai ke agar ap mukam’mal tor par jack aur june ko be-hooda, shetaan ya nakara’h qaraar de detay hain to phir apka apnay baray main kia khayal hai. Ap jab khud ehmaqana andaaz main aik ghair munasib kaam kar rahay hain to khud ko kia kahain ge. Jab ap dusroun ki ghaltiyoun par unhain qaabil-e-muzam’mat tehratay hain to phi rap apni nakamiyoun (ghaltiyoun) par apni zaat ko apni puri shakhsiyat ko kis tarah qaabil-e-muzam’mat nahi tehra’yengay. Log apni ghalti ko bashri kamzori aur dusroun ki ghaltiyoun ko shetaan’iyat qaraar denay ke aadi hotay hain. Zara is nukt’e par bhi ghour kijiye.

    Ap ka dusray logon say majmu’ee nafrat karna, tamaam tar darwazay band karnay ke muta’radif hai. Is tarah apni ghaltiyoun, lagh’zishoun aur buray kaam’oun ko zarur tasleem kijiye lekin agar ap unko qubool kartay huay apnay ap ko past aur haqeer qaraar dengay to apki ghaltiyoun ki istelaa’h kon karega. Aik be’hooda admi mustaqbil main kis tarah ghair be’hooda kaam karnay ke qaabil hosakta hai. Kabhi bhi asaani say nahi. Is liye sab hi darwazay mat band kijiye.

    Yehi maamla jack aur june ka hai. Agar wo waqai nakaraa’h aur qaabil-e-muzam’mat hain ke unhoun ne apkay sath bura sulook kiya to phir wo ya phir koi bhi aur “mujrim” kis tarah tabdeel hoga aur apni istelaa’h karsakay ga? Yun ap unhain unki khami’youn ki waja say haqeer aur past qaraar de kar yeh ta’y kardetay hain ke wo humesha buray kaam hi kartay hain. Kia unhain bura qaraar denay ka faisla durust hoga.

    Yehi waja hai ke REBT khud’pasandi aur khud muzam’mati dono tasawar’raat ki mukhalifat karta hai. Is hi tarah dusray logon ko bhagwan banana ya phir shetaan qaraar denay ke bhi khilaaf hai. Khud ‘pasandi ko maahir-e-nafsiyaat ab khud muzam’mati main hi shumaar kartay hain kiun ke agar ap khud ko is liye pasand kartay hain aur behtar samajhtay hain kea p achay, durust aur umda’h kaam kartay hain to phi rap khud ko us waqt na’pasand bhi kartay hongay jab ap buray, ghalat aur ghair sha’ista kaam kartay hongay.

    Dusray logon ka maamla bhi yehi soorat hai. Agar ap unka us waqt ehtraam kartay hain jab wo achay kaam kartay hain to phir ap main yeh bhi rujhaan hoga ke jab wo bura rawaiy’ya ikhtiyaar kartay hain to ap unsay nafrat karnay lagtay hain. Abhi wo apkay sath buraayi karnay main ziada duur nahi jatay ke ap un par barham, mushta’il aur inteqaam jo hojatay hain. To phir apki dosti, ta’awwun aur dusroun ke sath madadgaar ta’alluqaat kidhar jatay hain. Kia yeh sab kuch sirf achi soorat-e-haal tak mehdood hota hai. Iski zaroorat to ba’soorat deegar bhi hoti hai.

    Kia ap jack aur june ya dusray logon ki batoun pe jaa’iz aur mufeed ghussa mehsoos kartay hain lekin uskay bawu’jood unki harkaat ki waja say unkay liye ghussa nahi mehsoos kartay? Jee han ap “maqool barhami” mehsoos kartay hain jab ap logoun ke khayalaat, iqdamaat aur mehsoosat pe naraz aur na’khush hotay hain.Lekin apko logoun ke buray rawai’yay par ghussa ana chahiyay na ke us rawaiy’yay par logon pe. Lekin mohtaa’t rahiyay kiun ke har dafa jab ap logon ke rawaiy’yay par ghussa mehsoos kartay hain, ap kisi had tak is hi mutaalbay ki taraf sar’ak jatay hain ke unhain hargiz aisa nahi karna chahiyay tha. Uskay nateejay main wo aur unkay af’aal dono qaabil-e-muzam’mat hain. Lekin agar ap kehna chahtay hain aur puray ikhlaas ke sath kehtay hain --- ke main waqai us baat par barham hun jo kuch jack aur june ne meray sath kia lekin ab main bhi unhain khata’kaar aur majboor insanoun ke tor par qubool karta hun jinhoun ne ghalat kaam kiya. To apki yeh soch bilkul durust aur muta’wazin hain. Yehi REBT ki nazar hai.

    REBT ka moa’qif hai kea p aksar auqaat (ghalat tor pe) had say tajawuz karjatay hain. Ap yeh nahi kehna chahtay kea p insaan hain balkay yeh saabit karna chahtay hain kea p fouq-ul-bashar ya dusray insanoun say aa’la tar insaan hain. Jab ap khud pasandi aur khud touqeeri ke liye jad’do jehad kartay hain to dar’asal kamil insaan balkay de’ota, fouq-ul-bashar aur sharf-o-bartari say bharpoor makhlooq nazar anay ki koshish kartay hain. Ap mehaz yeh nahi samajhtay ke apkay kuch ausaaf dusroun say behtar ya bartar hain balkay ap waqi’atan samajhtay hain ke apka johar dusroun ke johar say behtar hai. Apka matlab yeh bhi hota hai ke agar apko dusroun pe fazeelat na mili aur aal’mi sate’h par na sara’he gaye to ap mamooli qadar-o-qeemat ke maalik rahaingay.

    Is soch ke tehar jab ap kamzour kaar’kardagi dikhatay hain to khud ko bekaar aur ghair eham samajhnay lagtay hain. Lekin dusroun ko is hi khaami ke sath qubool karletay hain. Mas’lan ap aik phus’phusa mazmoon likhtay hain to khud ko mukam’may nakaam aur na’ahal fard ke tor par dekhtay hain jo kabhi bhi achi tehreer wujood main nahi la sakta. Lekin is hi tarah ki kamzori koi aur dikhaye to ap uski yeh khaami qubool karletay hain.

    Hum apki taraf say apnay ap main aur dusorun main makhsoos ausaaf bhanp’ne aur unka ta’yun karnay ko sawaal nahi banatay. Ap apnay intekhaab ke mutabiq puray josh ke sath kisi cheez ko pasand ya na-pasand kar saktay hain. Lekin kisi fard ki shakhsiyat ke dusray his’soun main aik khoobi ya was’f ke baray main koi faisla karnay ke majaaz nahi hain.

    Aiyay is marhalay par aik bar phir jack aur june ki taraf say apkay sath apartment main shirakat ke mua’hiday par amal’daramad na karnay aur ghair munsifana tarz-e-amal apnanay ko REBT theory ki nazar say dekhtay hain.

    MEHRIK WAQIYA – A: Jack aur june ne mua’hiday say inheraaf kartay huay apkay sath na munasib sulook kiya.

    MAQOOL SOCH – RB: Main unkay iqdaam ko qaabil-e-muzam’mat aur bad’qismati samajhta hun.

    GHAIR MAQOOL SOCH – 1B: Kitni khofnaak bat hai. Unhain hargiz hargiz meray sath yeh sulook nahi karna chahiyay tha.

    GHAIR SEHAT’MANDANA MANFI NATEEJA – C: Ap ne ghussa aur tay’sh mehsoos kiya.

    CHALLENGE AUR BEHAS – D: Apnay apni ghair maqool soch shanaakht karli aur phir khud say unkay baray main sawalaat kar ke behas aur park’h shuru kardi. “Agar unhoun ne na-munasib tarz-e-amal ikhtiyaar kiya hai to isko khofnaak qaraar denay ki baat konsi hai? Yeh kahan likha hai unhain hargiz hargiz aisa nahi karna chahiyay tha”.

    NAYI SOCH – E: “Mujhay koi waja nazar nahi ati ke unhain meray sath behr’soorat munasib rawaiy’ya ikhtiyaar karna chahiyay tha. Agar’chay yehi baat meray liye qaabil-e-tarjee’h thi. Yaqeenan yeh baat takleef de’h hai ke unhoun ne nar’wa sulook kiya lekin main usay bardaasht karsakta hun aur badas’toor pur sukoon zindagi guzaar sakta hun”.

    RAWAIY’YAY MAIN TABDEELI – E: Ghussay ka khaatma, itmenaan ki kaifiyataur sehat mand manfi rad’de amal ki taraf wapsi, mayoosi aur malaal ke jazbaat.

    Yun ap kisi bhi ishte’aal angaiz soorat-e-haal, zar’rasaa’n waqiya aur bad sulooki ke rad’de amal main ghussay say labraiz honayaur zehni aur jismani sehat ko khatraat say dou’chaar karnay ke bajaye soch ka andaaz tabdeel karkay khud ko pur’sukoon kar saktay hain. Soch ka andaaz tabdeel karnay ke liye REBT ki ABC ka sahara lain. Ta’hum yeh baat zaroor hai ke jab taka p is ABC say bar bar nahi guzrengay aur jab taka p yeh amal puri shid’dat say aur inhemaak ke sath nahi karengay aur jab tak yeh mash’q bar bar nahi karengay ap bar bar apnay qadeem ghair maqool khayalaat say ruj’u kartay rahengay aur ghair sehat’mandana manfi rad’de amal ka shikaar hotay rahengay. Musalsal mash’q ---  iski tafseel agay ayegi --- ke zariye ap apnay ghair maqool khayalaat ko jar’ say ukhaar phenk saktay hain. Ba’az auqaat dubara’h apni tar’k shuda’h aadaat apnanay ka insani rawaiy’ya ghalib ajata hai. Ap bhi is ro’u main beh saktay hain. Mukam’mal kaaya kal’p buhat mushkil hoti hai. Lekin REBT ke tareeqay apna kar ap aisa rawai’ya pukhta karletay hain jis main ghair maqool khayalaat aur ghair sehat’mandana rad’de amal ki pehchaan apko hoti rehti hai. Apnay khayalaat ko paarkh’ne aur khud say zair-e-behas lanay ka amal behtar hojayega aur phir ap manfi soch aur andaaz-e-fikar say azaad hojayengay.

    Khata-ul-ghazish ke pehlu ko paish-e-nazar rakhna aur phir ghair mashroot tor par khud ko qubool karna aur is hi tarah ghair mashroot tor par dusroun ko qubool karna apko apnay insani johar ko samajhnay main madad deta hai. Ap apni khamiyoun aur kotahiyoun ko tasleem kartay aur unhain door karnay ke liye mehnat kartay hain. REBT apko dusray logon ki buri sochoun, jazbaar aur iqdamaat ko bhanpnay main madad deta hai. Lekin ap unkay qabil-e-aitraaz rawai’yay ko mazmoom aur na’qabil-e-bardaasht qaraar diye baghair un par apna rad’de amal zahir kartay hain. Agar ap kuch logoun ki madad karna chahtay hain jo apki nazar main na’munasib tarz-e-amal ikhtiyaar karletay hain to yeh apki suab’deedah par hai. Unki is’laah zaroor kijiye lekin ishte’aal angaiz tareeqay say nahi. Yeh baat zehan main rakhiyay ke unhain laz’man nahi tajeehan aisa karna chahiyay jaisa kea p chahtay hain.

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